Disclaimer
Please be aware that the following site is of a personal nature and relates the incidents of a singular individual. Joshua Jeremiah, the creator of http://www.joshuajeremiah.name, is a gay man recording his life from a singular perspective.

The Joshua Jeremiah Broadcast is a representative account of one individual as qualifying details (employment, specific location, and the use of last names) are expunged from the recording. The Joshua Jeremiah Broadcast refutes any affiliation to any specific organization unless such organization is specifically, and literally, stated on the audio recording. Strong language and sexual content are integral aspects of the Joshua Jeremiah Broadcast. If strong language and sexual content are offensive to any particular individual, please refrain from entering the site.

All material is created from the understanding that creative freedom and creative expression precede and proceed an educational foundation for sustaining and enhancing evolution on a planetary scale. The basis of "civility" lies in the Latin definition of the word "civis". "Civis" references individuals belonging to a group, or singularly, one individual citizen. The word "civic", itself, originates from the Greek term specifically referencing cities and large masses of individuals. By origination, civility is the basis of agreement by which masses of individuals live among one another in a harmonious, yet evolutionary, life pattern.

En masse, there are always differences among individuals and "civilization" is but a reference to individualized differences existing within one unit. Ironically, civility and vulgarity are words which both originate as references to the common societal class. Strong language and sexual content are aspects of civility, itself.

On that note, I'm taking a cue from the Lady Bunny and labeling this broadcast as rated "R" for extra-Retarded.

Cheers

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Audio Broadcast 55 - January 29th, 2006

This is merely a continuation of my January 29th, Sunday...well, okay, it was done a lot later in the day when I had time to reflect on things.

Audio Broadcast 54 - January 29th, 2006

When I initially recorded this broadcast on Sunday, January 29th, 2006, I felt as if I had reached a personal conclusion about my relationship with Todd. I felt happy to have put circumstantial actions into a solidified conclusion that I could wrap my mind around. However, as it has taken me several days to actually find time to put the recording up on my site and make that recording available for download, I've had some time to actually talk with Todd about both his feelings and my feelings. On my recording, events were fairly contained within my mind. Now, however, I feel like I owe Todd an apology. Todd has a myriad of feelings for me, just as I have a myriad of feelings for him. The interaction of those feelings has left us both confused. I continually say that Todd wants to "get up my ass" on my Sunday walk and upon listening to my own recording, two things occur to me:

  1. My thoughts center around sexuality
  2. I'm very divisive with people because I continually assign "roles" (and, hence, labels) to people
I'm not very happy with those two thoughts.

Point 1: My thoughts center around sexuality
I fully believe that sexuality is an integral facet of a healthy, consensual relationship between two or more people (yes, those types of relationships exist, thank you). I believe that happiness in sexual fulfillment is an aspect of overall happiness. What bothers me is that sex is, usually, the toughest aspect to work through at initial contact with other gay men (at least from my viewpoint). I like to know what a guy desires right off the bat because sexual fulfillment is important to me. Yes, I'm open to new experiences, but I really believe that sexual compatibility is one tough maze to navigate. If I date a guy for several weeks and then find out that our ideas of sex are completely different, then why am I subjecting myself to a circumstance that will, most likely, fail?

Point 2: I'm very divisive with people because I continually assign "roles" (and, hence, labels) to people
God, I don't know if I really want to go into gory detail on this one. This bear of a topic is applicable to almost any aspect of any single individual's personality, including my own. I've been to therapy and the small number of therapists that I have seen agree on one thing - I tend to "compartmentalize" almost everything. I think, for me, it's a coping mechanism. If I can put something into a nice, neat container, I can deal with it. I really am very poor at dealing with "transient" ideas or flowing personalities. It sucks because I recognize that I am a transient personality, an individual constantly evolving and almost always highly emotional. I have a difficult time dealing with myself and I admit it. I want to break out of my "role" assignment tendency, but it's a tough process. Many times the assignments of "roles" works extremely well for me. Shit, I've been able to survive and somewhat prosper through a number of tumultuous incidents and contacts with people, so I feel that there's some credibility behind the way I perceive and process the world. The tough part, I believe, is learning to draw the line and "break away" from my standardization of my own reality. It's a frightening concept and it becomes more difficult to do as I become set in my ways.

Audio Broadcast 53 - January 26th, 2006

I'm taking a stroll to the usual Osco Drug store today, as well as I'm planning a little "tool-time" adventure at Ace Hardware. My goal with this current venture? A cleaning up of the lobby entrance to my apartment complex. The front entrance to my apartment complex is rather small and becomes easily cluttered with junk mail that the post-person feels free to just toss on the ground. This irritates me tremendously as the resulting mess of flyers, advertisements and general waste of resources not only hurts the environment, but makes where I live look like shit. I admit it, I can be a little snobby and a little prissy.

Many times I allow disorder to have a huge influence over my mental state of being. Outside disorganization influences me to become disorganized and hardly settled in my own thoughts when lack of order surrounds me. If I feel unkept at home, I generally feel unkept in life. I can usually tell when I'm feeling down because my place becomes a wreck and I'm hardly happy with the circumstance. So, needless to say, the front-lobby of my apartment complex has finally gotten to my psyche.

I broke down today and spent my own money on a cheap trash can for our lobby. I'm waiting to see if the custodian is going to take it away. Knowing the custodian's train of thought, he'll probably get rid of something that makes sense. Oy. At least I'm finally getting a handle on my own apartment!

Audio Broadcast 52 - January 22nd, 2006

Proper form and the gym - if you lack proper form, your body is going to hardly end up looking lustingly natural. Working out intelligently will be a better key to looking good, feeling good, actually lifting a lighter amount of weight and avoiding injury. Everyday I see people working out wrong and it's those type of people that never improve, don't come back to the gym or look odd because they're working some aspect of their body in an odd way. Granted, I'm now power weight lifter, but I still look good, get compliments and have people ask me what I do for my workout. That tends to tell me that I'm doing something right, so until I'm told otherwise, I'm going to continue believing that.

Audio Broadcast 51b - January 21st, 2006

Balancing Act

I've been prone to tell people that "I'm a slow thinker", but I don't think that's an entirely accurate statement. I tend to view myself as an individual who carefully considers the options in the world surrounding him. Now, granted, there are many times where I think I get confused by the multitude of possibilities that lay before me. There are also times where the possibility of a simple solution also confuses me because my expectations tend to be built to look for complex solutions. There are also times where my fear of a new idea holds me back, as well, and I tend to find that scenario one that pushes my limits of comfortability. I think fear can be healthy. I think too much fear ceases life.

I guess I'm just easily confused. I'm fairly lucky to have made it this far.

Audio Broadcast 51a - January 21st, 2006

Crobar

In this broadcast, I finally go over how I spent my New Year's day at Crobar. Thinking back on it, I've left out details about how I spent my New Year's eve and I've left out details about what happened after Crobar, as well. Oy, I'm hardly a good storyteller at all! I need to go back and recap quite a few things in a future broadcast.

All in all, I must say that my night spent at Crobar on New Year's Day went fairly quickly. Despite a convoluted assemblage of emotions presenting themselves during the evening, I actually didn't want the dancing to stop. When the lights came up on the main floor, I was highly disappointed and feeling surrounded by a sea of confusion. Ah well, such is the night-life.

This broadcast actually covers some of the same issues about body image and health that I've talked about before and briefly touches on my mental hang up about using the urinal with other guys around. Believe me, I know I need therapy.

Audio Broadcast 50 - January 18th, 2006

Heidi-ho, people! I'm at broadcast number 50, I know. What's a guy to do? I know that Bernard Bradshow of Sex and the 2nd City made a big to-do over the whole aspect of reaching 50 podcasts, but I think I'm more ambivalent about the whole thing. I think I'll be more impressed with myself when I actually reach 100 broadcasts. Maybe then I'll have a "call-in" line or a stalker or something else quite fabulous happen to me.

Anyway, this installment of Joshua Jeremiah is a reach back into Christmas events. In all my bitching about work issues, I totally forgot to recap what my holidays were like on my last return to broadcasting. Oy! You poor people. I really thank everyone for their patience with my lack of forethought.

I'd write more, but it's late and I need to get this sucker posted. Maybe one of these days I'll find some time to actually get some concrete writing in place.

Audio Broadcast 49 - January 15th, 2006

Yes, I'm alive. I've also made it into the New Year with my new job keeping me busy, my friends teaching me the valuable lessons of communication and the wonderful people around the world telling me to get off my ass and do a new show!

The wonderful people urging me forward include Lior, Floriana, Chris, Zak and Bruiser, of the Bruiser Chronicles. It's tough, people, to keep up a beautiful body, a full-time job, an organized house and do a program all the time. Well, enough excuses. I'm going to do my best to keep up a fairly regular installment of Joshua Jeremiah (soon to be Wandering J). I don't know if I can promise a daily dose of myself, but I can, at the very least, do something weekly. I think once I've got a new site established I'll be able to commit to more frequency, but until then I'll do what I can. Yeah, my jaw's been flapping all the time about a new site, but it will definitely happen.

December 6th, 2006...it's my birthday, bitches! Happy Birthday to me!

Alright, just one post besides the obvious...I've been hearing that downloads of my broadcast and getting cut-off. Is this true? If so, let me know. I've found that if I unsubscribe and then resubscribe to my own broadcast, many times that solves the problem of cut-off problems. That's all the advice I'm giving on my own birthday!

Feel free to email, kids! joshua@joshuajeremiah.name

Audio Broadcast 48 - November 21st, 2005

Alright, once again, I'm keeping the description on the down-low.

Just know that I'm anticipating the opportunity to get out of my goddam house!

Audio Broadcast 47 - November 20th, 2005

It's been a week since my last recording and that's NOT good! I'm letting time slip through my fingers as if it were a meaningless entity. What is happening with my time? Sex...the basest of the human drives, of course. Yikes, I must reteach myself self-discipline.

Well, today on Joshua Jeremiah or Jeremiah Provocative or whatever, another show rename...how many are there? I've also got more dealings with that goddam bear, Patrick. Now, however, another, second Patrick comes into the mix. Where will this double Patrick whammy lead?

Audio Broadcast 46 - November 13th, 2005

Alright, I've been recording, but I just haven't had time to put shit up. I've been too damn busy and my apartment is a wreck!

Since I'm putting this up on a day that's far later than Sunday, I think I'll mention that I've heard that PureCastMedia has met some hard times. Many podcasters out there have been left with no home to house their broadcasts, so I'm going to give my own host a shout out. Check out Servage.net for web hosting and podcast hosting. They're a great service who provide lots of bandwidth and plenty of space. They've got my props.

Audio Broadcast 45 - November 11th, 2005

GyazMailHello! This broadcast is chocked full of psychotherapeutic goodness. Yes, I'm on another one of my "Osco Drugstore" runs and, as per usual, I'm working on vocalizing the issues machinating within my torrential mind. Anxiety often rules the world of Joshua Jeremiah with a heavy, backhanded slap and, damn bitch, anxiety is wearing some goddam heavy brass knuckles. I have this egotistical view of myself of having the ability to achieve some type of stardom (but, then again, I do believe that almost anyone can achieve such a goal with a fair balance of work, talent and positive happenstance...I know, what a crock) and it always seems that when I'm on the cusp of achieving or creating something greater than my being, anxiety slaps my ass to the ground. Eh, that's my issue to work through, so I'll move on to something a little more informative. Heed my warning, however, as I give up more of my masculinity issues, the ease of talking to women and the urge to be competitive.

Oh, and by the way, I've been talking an awful lot about sex lately. I think I'm getting too much of the wrong kind of sex...needy sex. Ouch! Hello, Mary, gotta stop that damage.

Hey all you Mac-heads out there, go to GyazSquare and check out the GyazMail client. It fucking rocks! GyazMail allows me to actually log onto my mail server and see what mail is present on the server, itself. Rather than delete mail as it arrives, or clear out the mail after a given period of time, GyazMail acts as a window into my mail server host. It's awesome! I can delete mail as I please and I can actually see the current state of my entire mailbox. I can organize my view of the mail on the mail server, thus allowing me to remotely see what mail is good for deleting and what mail is good for archiving. I have yet to find another mail client that can do that for me. The only downside of GyazMail is the inability to use different fonts or use colored fonts or really format mail in various ways. Oh well, it's a give and take.

I'm going to start giving a shout-out to my host provider Servage.net. They're a great hosting company that provides plenty of space and plenty of bandwidth. Check out Servage.net, sign-up and use the coupon code "CUST13208".

Audio Broadcast 44 - November 10th, 2005

While editing the broadcast I found, to my utter dismay, a great degree of broken thoughts that often bore little explanation. I tend to be one who grasps for the underlying explanation for many a thing in this vast life, so hearing myself leave out integral details to a story is rather disconcerting. Dear audience, you have my sincere apologies for my exclusion of details, my sidetracking thought and the overall failure to effectively communicate the thoughts running through my head within this particular broadcast.

Audio Broadcast 43 - November 9th, 2005

Wednesday and boy, howdy am I trying to get over that hump...well, more like the lack of a hump. Anyway, this is another shortened description. I think I'll start expanding these descriptions, again, once I've gotten caught up on the posting of my shows.

In any case, here's another big shout-out to RadioGay who took the time to feature my podcast on their show. It was truly a wonderful feeling to encounter that type of promotion. I am grateful.

Audio Broadcast 42 - November 8th, 2005

Sounding like Count Chocula on the whim of a dime is hardly my gig. It's a good thing I have friends to get my mind off that disappointment!

I keep wanting to call my friends a "resource" but that sounds rather sterile and utilitarian. I hardly intend to associate my intimate feelings with plasticity, but who knows...maybe deep down that's what I want. The individuals that enhance my life are human beings that deserve respect and I'm always afraid that I'm hardly going to be able to provide that on a constant basis. Respect is a tough one for me because my feelings constantly waver back and forth between any emotion at any time. I'm hardly a Rock of Gibraltar and it saddens me to make such an admission.

I make the most of my time with what I have and I know I can always do better with my life. I continue to try to improve myself and I still falter...just listen to my latest hijinks.

Audio Broadcast 41 - November 7th, 2005

Another simple one-liner. I think these one-liners are going to go on for awhile...at least until I've got all my recordings caught up. Well, that and a chance to create some nifty graphics. What can I say...I feel back to normal today and that makes me EXTREMELY happy.

Hey, one of these days I'll revise the website and give a list of my favorite podcasts...but until then, check out this VERY short list of recent podcasts that I'm listening to:

Audio Broadcast 40 - November 6th, 2005

Again, I'm keeping a low profile on the broadcast summary. Click on the "Audio Broadcast 40" link for the show.

Audio Broadcast 39 - November 5th, 2005

It's a rainy Saturday and I'm keeping this description down to this single line. Click on the "Audio Broadcast 39" link for the show.

Audio Broadcast 38 - November 2nd, 2005

Joshua JeremiahLike an idiot I'm waiting in vain. One morsel of attraction gets thrown my way and I pounce on it like a starving lioness. Ironically, my whole situation evolved out of something that went awry in the first place. I think my life is intended to be spent as a producer of content and ideas expressive of individuality. I think the manifestation of a working relationship is meant for others. LOL...I say it, but it's tough to get through to my stubborn personality. Every time, I cling to the hope and yet know better. The hardest part is the fact that people like my grandmother just don't get it. She always asks me if I'm seeing someone. It's difficult to hear her disappointment because she knows what it's like to spend the last years of life alone. I think she wants something different for me. I want to oblige, but a relationship always takes two.

I find that if I'm putting in effort, the other person is not. If I fail to put in effort, the other person is doing a brunt of the work. It's a pull between physical attraction (at least initially) and personality compromise. For me, personally, I find the equalitarian necessity of a healthy, continuous relationship elusive. Such is life.

LOL...that being said, I'll give the bear a call this afternoon and see what gives. There's that hope again. I'm an idiot. I have a feeling that not much will, indeed, give.

Audio Broadcast 37 - November 1st, 2005

Lunch Date with a BearI was rather dubious that a lunch-date with the bear I had met last night was going to happen. I tend to expect the worst and hope for the best. When it comes to personal relationships and personal interaction, I find it tough to locate a balance between optimism and realism. Relationships, of any degree, rely on some type of emotional involvement between two people, be that an emotion as simple as trust.

The bear and I went to Joy's Noodles on Halsted and had Thai food, which was quite pleasant. Usually guys want some sort of pasta or Mexican food and I like neither, so it was good to start off with food that I enjoy. Our conversation was sometimes smooth and sometimes awkward, but I find that's always true on dates I go on. I guess I really wasn't expecting to go on a date at all, so I think I was a little "shell-shocked" that it was actually happening. Maybe next time I'll think of more things to ask or more things to say.

After lunch, we hung out a bit, window-shopped and then he took me home. All-in-all, it was a pretty wholesome time, which is a rarity for me when it comes to other guys. I'm hoping there's more in store, but I have to remind myself that life is always filled with circumstances that we can hardly expect.

Audio Broadcast 36 - October 31st, 2005

Big Muscle BearSo here I am again, laying on the couch, "waiting-by-the-phone" for a telephone call from a handsome man. Lord, what the hell is wrong with me? I pride myself on my individualism and yet it's the draw of another human male that damages that pride. I need to learn to integrate my individuality with socializing with others so that going out on a date is really no big deal.

If anyone cares at all, I tend to find myself physically attracted to muscular, hairy guys as those found on http://www.bigmusclebears.com. I have zero idea where my fetish for such big, gruesome monsters came from, but hey, they're what get a rise out of me. It's hardly that I fail to look at other guys, but as it's tough to meet gay guys that I can "jive" with on a personal level, I tend to turn my head to the physicality that catches me. I'm a pig, "oink, oink".

Audio Broadcast 35 - October 26th, 2005

Lunch WalkIt's the last few days of work with my former employer and I feel rather odd about the entire situation. I'm finishing up projects and performing work-related tasks, I'm saying my farewells to the people that surround me and I'm experiencing mixed feelings about transitioning into my new employment. I feel anxious about my new post, I feel nervous about my new post and I guess I'm mostly feeling detached from my former position. I hate this feeling of apathy, this lack of emotion that I'm experiencing for my former employment, but yet it hardly feels wrong. I see my feelings of detachment as a transition into a new emotional realm and it's difficult to accept that an emotional loss is natural and, indeed, transitional. I've been working at my former place of employment for over seven years and I'm leaving behind individuals with whom I have formed solid relationships. Yes, I will remain in contact with the people whose company I enjoy, but it still remains odd to feel very little at such a severence. I still remember moments in my life when such transitions were large events. As I age, such moments become more an aspect of daily life than a significant occasion.

Well, I'm out on a walk, escaping from the office and I'm relieving my emotional tides through my broadcast. I realize that, although my broadcast topics hardly relate to what I'm thinking, the broadcast, itself, is vehicle through which I channel my turbulent emotional states.

Audio Broadcast 34 - October 20th, 2005

Joshua JeremiahI'm going to lay off putting up too much of a description for this broadcast mostly for the fact that it's late at night and well past my bed time. How the hell am I supposed to feel good about myself if I keep waking up late and missing the gym?

Enjoy some thoughts and reflections and a funny incident that I happened to see on the way to work.

Audio Broadcast 33 - October 14th, 2005

Cycle-CastA capella groups, morning people, puked-in cabs, motherly trouble and voices in my head pretty much make their appearance in this broadcast. Yeah, it's the usual Joshua Jeremiah broadcast that spins from one topic to the next with hardly any care about rhyme or reason. Sometimes my thoughts tie themselves together fairly well and other times the thoughts are just random appearances from out of nowhere.

On this particular day, it being Friday, I'm through with work, ready for the weekend, and heading to my friend Julia's house for a wonderful Friday-night dinner. This broadcast sees me continuing my push consolidation of my content, keep up a solid pace and attempt to remain "Joshua" all at once. It's a little much for me right now, but I think I just have to relax and let nature take her course. Nature has been around much longer than I have, so I tend to trust her judgement over my own.

P.S. This is an older broadcast from October 14th, although it appears in sequential order as Broadcast 33.

Audio Broadcast 32 - October 9th, 2005

DatelessOf course it hurts my feelings when someone I find attractive fails to feel the same thing for me. The more detrimental aspect of that scenario comes when I actually know that someone and have developed the idea that the we shared the attractive feeling. It's a tough world out there and I've got to develop a thick skin to accept rejection and move forward. What scares me is the lack of sensation in that thick skin. If I develop such a tough outer layer, does that leave my internal mechanism more fragile and prone to harm? If that tough layer exists year after year, when do I know to curtail that skin?

Dating is a tough thing and I really don't remember the last time I actually went on a date. Between my moodiness, judgmental attitude and comparative standards that I set for myself, I think I pretty much wipe the board clean of prospective guys. I set high standards for myself and I make attempts to abide by my beliefs. I look for the standards that I set for myself in a companion and, as such, I'm a gay Jew wandering in a vast desert of lovers.

I sincerely believe it will be some time before I meet a companion, if that scenario ever does present itself. In the meantime, I will make the most of this short time I have on this planet (relatively speaking to universal time, of course!) and do my best to contribute to a greater society.

P.S. This is an older broadcast from October 9th, although it appears in sequential order as Broadcast 32.

Audio Broadcast 31 - October 8th, 2005

Joshua and ZacharyI considered cutting this broadcast down to make it more digestable, but on giving the matter a second consideration, I'm going to treat this broadcast as an "uncensored" director's cut. I'm a human being just like any director, so why the hell not? The broadcast is a little lengthy, but I think it also gives a true view into the dynamic my brother and I have.

Growing up in Wisconsin, smack-dab in the middle of nowhere, left my brother and I little choice but to get along. We only had each other in those formative years, so I guess we made things work because we little other choice. I can count on one hand the number of times we've fought and Zak is the one person who I feel that is able to fully digest and understand my most intimate feelings. We're not twins, but I think we come damn close. I love and respect my brother and he's one of the few people on this earth that I can call a friend.

At the moment, Zak is spending time in Dallas and he's looking to make his way to Seattle. I don't know what the hell Zak's doing in Texas because he's certainly more of a northern lad than a cowpoke. Send good wishes to Dallas in the hopes that Zak can find a way out!

As always, feel free to email me at joshua@joshuajeremiah.name or, if you want to even email my brother, send good thoughts to him at xaquari@yahoo.com.

P.S. This is an older broadcast from October 8th, although it appears in sequential order as Broadcast 31.

Audio Broadcast 25f - October 1st, 2005

Dessert with FriendsYes, indeedy, this broadcast is brought to you in a fabulous way, but quite OUT OF ORDER! Oh well, what can I say but "shit happens".

In any case, this broadcast is a collection of various clips recorded on a wonderful Saturday, October 1st. The "other" Josh on this broadcast (my friend Jennifer's roommate) had a friend in from New York - one miss Stephanie something-or-other. I actually enjoyed Stephanie's company because she gave me some insight into the Jewish culture in New York. Being a gay, reformed Jew in Chicago, I mostly ascribe my Judaism to my birth and leave it at that. Nevertheless, I still feel a cultural kinship to other Jews and it made me quite happy to talk with another individual who is more immersed in the culture than myself. I've always loved New York and I've longed to head that direction, so Stephanie's appearance was quite a treat for me.

Audio Broadcast 30 - October 19th, 2005

Casey StrattonWhoops! I made a boo-boo on this audio recording. Upon leaving my house this morning, I was 100% positive that it was Wednesday, but I was only 90% sure of the actual numerical date. Yes, this recording was made on the 19th of October, rather than the 18th of October, as I stated in the broadcast. Actually, no big whoop!

Anywho, it's another Cycle-Cast and, man, a Cycle-Cast is a Cycle-Cast is a Cycle-Cast... It's tough to really do a "show", per se, while doing any type of exercise, so I think that anytime I do a Cycle-Cast, I'm going to have to throw caution to the wind and just let myself be. I have this internal pressure, brought on by outside influences, to shift and shape my broadcast into something more substantial and concrete. I am working to head in that direction; however, I think that during periods like a Cycle-Cast recording, I need to just get my thoughts out there and allow the internal pressure to release. Well, needless to say, this is one of those times.

On reflecting back on the length of the broadcast, I'm having trouble digesting the fact that I got the whole recording made in 18 minutes. In terms of cycling, it took me 18 minutes to travel three miles to the gym. For better or for worse, I was taken aback at the short amount of time it took me to travel the distance. Again, another chalk up...this time to relativity!

I have to give another big "thank you" to Lior. My Israelite fan has turned me on to one Casey Stratton, a musician who is actually a very talented performance artist (...so unlike the lack-of-talent "musical" wonders currently out on the scene). Visit Casey on his own site, www.caseystratton.com or on a secondary site www.latitudeline.com and check out a few of his songs. I find that he creates a unique blending of the sounds of the artists who have influenced him - Tori Amos, Sarah McLachlan, Joni Mitchell, Peter Gabriel, Paula Cole, Loreena McKennitt, The Sundays and The Innocence Mission, to name but a few.

Once again, thanks Lior.

Audio Broadcast 29 - October 17th, 2005

Blue MailI want to extend several "shout-out"'s to both fans of Joshua Jeremiah and those seeking my technical assistance. So here's the rundown of names:

Brian - thanks for taking the time to walk!,
Joe - at RadioGay,
Ben,
Joe Bandy - of the Dallas Cowboys Podcast,
Dan - of Van Etten Studios,
Josh Leo - of Josh Leo Vlog fame
Terry - the wonderful guy at work who wrote me a great email
and, of course, my fan Lior (hi Lior!).

I've made some changes to the broadcast in order to "tighten things up". The suggestion came to me after RadioGay expressed some interest in my content. Now, I'm still putting my thoughts and ideas out there, but I think I've streamlined it so that the broadcast is a little trimmer, there's less rambling and there's more content in the actual broadcast. Please let me know what you think! Contact me at: joshua@joshuajeremiah.name

Audio Broadcast 28 - October 7th, 2005

Smelly AngerRape of the senses.

It feels as if my aromatic senses are continually assaulted by forceful, unwelcome intruders - cigarette smoke, perfume, cologne, car exhaust, bus exhaust, and odor of the physique, to name but a few. It's bad enough that I have to destroy my lungs by inhaling bus fumes while making my daily commute via cycle. It's even worse to have to suffer a traumatic assault by a sentient individual who chooses to cover their body in some horrid, artificial veil.

Let me come at my point from a different angle. When it comes to inhaling oxygen...well, I'm sorry let everyone down by saying that it's something I have to do. I have zero choice in the matter to inhale and process oxygen. At the same time, I also have zero choice in the matter to inhale and process overwhelming smells and atmospheric pollutants that not only assault my senses, but assault my internal body. Many times I want to scream out in anger the frustration that I feel at having to suffer from another individual's personal selection of aroma. Personally, I keep myself very clean and wear no cologne whatsoever. I find it quite a courtesy to be able to inhale the given air of the earth and I truly thank those individuals that allow me to do so. Hence, I return the favor.

P.S. This is an older broadcast from October 7th, although it appears in sequential order as Broadcast 28.

Audio Broadcast 27 - October 3rd, 2005

PedophileI believe that a bulk of my moral compass, as well as a bulk of my value system, stems not only from environmental circumstance (parents, peers, other adults, etc.), but from instinctual self-preservation. How I define "right" and "wrong" shapes how I survive in the world due to my interactions with other human beings.

What happens when I, personally, reach beyond self-preservation into prosperity? Depending on my adaptability, collaboration of other instincts, various other cerebral attributes and the outcome of my prosperity, how I define "right" and "wrong" can also shape how I attain my extended goals. Where do I extend my definitions of "right" and "wrong" when the base definitions of those words fail to fully identify my new goals and new, existing conditions?

How I define "right" and "wrong" are arenas that I continually seek to revisit because, as human beings, we continue to evolve both physically and intellectually. As human beings are in constant flux and change, we are hardly animals that can be fully defined in black and white terms. The world, by existence, fails to be black and white, as well. As such, when we define terms such as "right" and "wrong" I think we forget to understand that such principles are in flux. Just as simple physic principles break down under extremely large or extremely small conditions, so, too, do I find self-imposed base conditions of the human psyche ("right" and "wrong" ) to break down when the human psyche extends into new arenas of thought and action. As a society we set conditions for generally-accepted behavior. I think we need to understand that the conditions we set are hardly black and white and, as human beings, we are evolving at an extremely fast pace. I believe that we are forgetting to incorporate our own evolution into our moral systems and our value systems through an educational vehicle. Hence, due to lack of education, we still use words like "evil-doer", "demon", "god", etc.

I continue to critically re-evaluate my own systems of thought based on facts and experiences. It will make me happy to learn that others do the same.

P.S. This is an older broadcast from October 3rd, although it appears in sequential order as Broadcast 27.

Audio Broadcast 26 - October 13th, 2005

A New Job!M.I.A....M.I.A....

Where the hell have I been? Ugh! I have one weird answer for that one good question...I've been steeping in a large vat of my own personal brew...Joshua Jeremiah Tea. Hmm...okay...well, what does this crazy Joshua Jeremiah Tea taste like? It tastes a little something like the following recipe:

Joshua Jeremiah Tea

  • ...it tastes a little bit fresh, like a new world of employment...
  • ...it tastes a little bit sour, like an ailing mother...
  • ...it tastes a little bit bitter, like being stood up for a date...
  • ...it tastes a little bit salty, like the sweat of working long hours...
  • ...it tastes sweet...like the enjoyment of life.

This Joshua Jeremiah Tea is rather chocked full of mixed flavor, eh? To put it in a nutshell, my soul is a bit tired lately. I've been working on several projects from web-design to audio production, including creating several mock-up web-pages for my new job. Additionally, I've also created a new, opening intro for Dime-Bag Radio, as well as producing the show itself. In the meantime, I've also been stood up for a date and I'm helping my mother deal with her physical problems attributed to Ehlers-Danlos.

Life is a joy and life is a torrential sea. In the mix of natural upheaval I've had to let go of my broadcast for a bit. I think, for the most part however, I'm back and I'm MORE than happy to be "putting out" again. Welcome back!

P.S. I will be posting at least 4 previous recordings from October 1st, October 3rd, October 7th and October 9th, so watch out for these. Whew...more work to keep up content!

Hooray!

No audio content here (I heard that goddam sigh of relief, bitches...shutup!)...just a sigh of happiness.

Why am I "hooray'ing" all over my title? Well, dear readers, as I've broadcast previously, it's mostly the small things in life that make me happy.

Some time back I parked my bicycle at work and I approached one particular smoker about her obstruction of the bicycle area. After approaching her, the woman just stared at me and ignored what I had to say. On my next encounter with this same woman, she gave me several dirty looks and even completely blocked me from parking my bike. Mind you, there are three (yes, three!!!) "No Smoking" signs posted in the bicycle area, and the "Smoking" section is just on the other side of the bicycle area (about 50 feet away).

Today, dear friends, the same woman, mentioned above, took her smoking to the other side of the bicycle area where smoking is allowed! She listened! I went over to this woman and I thanked her twice and told her that she had made my day. Sincerely, the courtesy and respect that she displayed by listening to what I had to say utterly thrilled me. She showed her respect for me and I returned it in kind by telling her that I respected her actions.

Sometimes it's the small things in life that make it worth writing about.

Audio Broadcast 25e - October 1st, 2005

Joshua JeremiahLearning: I LOVE it! Learning tends to be a facet of my daily life, although sometimes it's a bitch to go out of my way to learn something when I have other things going on in my life. Working on projects and attempting to make my life better squeezes out the valuable resource of "time", the key element of learning. It's disappointing to watch things pass me by and have to let ideas and possibilities go because I lack that one valuable resource of time. I have to live, I have to survive and it's a double-edged sword - use time to learn and use time to implement learning. That's a lot of time! To live well and to prosper I have to utilize new information and place it in context. Both the learning and the placement require the fuel of duration - and it's a balancing act of compromise.

Ah well, such is life...

Audio Broadcast 25d - October 1st, 2005

ApathyWhat is the result of apathy?

I was searching through the internet, attempting to find a visual description of apathy that represented my idea of disinterest. Initially I thought of a pictorial description of blank space, a void, or something that more-or-less described "nothingness".

I thought back on the lack of interest that a lack of interest sparks emotionally.

Apathy requires a polar opposite pull to mean anything in order to evoke strong emotion. A better visual description of apathy, then, is one that evokes a highly energetic (and energy, here, can mean anything - positive or negative) response.

What I found is a photograph taken during this "wartime" in Iraq. I think it evokes, perfectly, the resulting consequence of apathy which underlies our current governmental administration.

Please be aware that the following image is extremely graphic and my be emotionally and/or physically offensive.

This is what I found: http://poetry.rotten.com/failed-mission/

I was called a faggot the other day. Being called a faggot is nothing less than apathy. Being called a faggot is the same type of apathetic reaction that sparks the beginning of the death of the man in the photograph from our current war.

Audio Broadcast 25c - October 1st, 2005

Shopping SoulYo, ho, ho and away I go...to a fresher place where delectables await.

This broadcast is a further reflection on my life without Lee. In this case, it's a trip to the grocery store that triggers my myriad of emotions concerning my once friend-and-lover. I've actually been procrastinating a trip to the store for one reason - I had an idea that making my way on a routine trip would shake me into the realization that things between Lee and I are completely over.

It's a cliche - it's the small things in life that tend to mean the most, including going through mixed feelings. Facing the fact that my own feelings are just another experience that has happened billions of times over is something I hate to go through. Many times, I hate being like everyone else and having to deal with my emotions is an "in-my-face" reminder of that. Turn me into a robot and pull the plug...please.

Audio Broadcast 25b - October 1st, 2005

SnatchedHoo-whee! Here's something I was hardly expecting on a somewhat lazy-day Saturday morning.

Picture it...the telephone rings at about 8:30 a.m. and when I answer that telephone, an automated voice informs me that some strange activity has been occurring on my credit card. Talk about derailing a Saturday morning!

I'm hardly going to go into detail about the whole situation here (because I pretty much cover the incident in my audio broadcast), but I do want to say that for a brief period in the morning, I had my own little soap opera going on.

This is a little off-topic for all of the drama occurring on my Saturday morning; however, I just want to say "I DID IT!" I finally, finally, finally....whew!...finished the website that I have been slaving on for a little over a month. Visit http://www.distinctivegiftbaskets.net for a peak at my work.

Yes, I'm hearing the words "that website hardly looks like it took over a month to complete...Joshua, you're a crock!" inside my head. Actually, it's hardly the "outside" of the site that took me so long to complete. What's interesting about this site is what is occurring "behind the scenes". What's the "behind the scenes" secret? I'm actually running various pages of the site off of a database.

A database is great tool that can be implemented on any website which will, more or less, allow the website to run itself. It took me forever to get the site up because all of the pages featuring photographs are pages that are actually "dynamically" generated. What does "dynamically generated" mean? It means that the browser (your Internet Explorer or Netscape or Firefox or even Opera) is pulling the photo information (and text information) from the database that I set up and assembling that information into a web-page "on the fly". The database concept is a great construct because it allows a non-technical website owner to change any of her or his photos, or text, on her or his site by going directly into the database - without looking at any of the coding I did. Basically, I didn't construct any of the photo pages...the photo pages construct themselves using the PHP coding language and a database.

Audio Broadcast 25a - October 1st, 2005

Toulouse-LautrecGood Lord! It's taken me forever and a day to get this broadcast up! This Saturday morning audio is actually part I in a multi-tiered recording session which I did for much of Saturday. I just couldn't get enough of the microphone on Saturday!

Okay, so why "multi-tiered"? Well, most of my audio is my usual rumble and ramble of thoughts; however, Saturday night I finally plugged in an old, unused handheld microphone, that I had from days long past, into my iRiver. I went over to my friend Jennifer and Josh's house and just started recording. Some of the audio came out quite nicely and some of it quite didn't. I'm going to make an attempt to splice the audio into various segments to make it interesting and endeavour to actually do some audio "heavy work". Hence, my broadcast will be multi-tiered because it will include my regular segment, as well as something a little bit different.

In any case, Saturday morning was filled with yawns and several retrospectives of my Thursday night. Visit these various sites for some Toulouse-Lautrec know how!

http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/toulouse-lautrec/
http://www.artchive.com/artchive/T/toulouse-lautrec.html
http://www.artcyclopedia.com/artists/toulouse-lautrec_henri_de.html
http://www.mcs.csuhayward.edu/~malek/Toulouse.html
http://www.lautrec.info/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_de_Toulouse-Lautrec

Audio Broadcast 24 - September 29th, 2005

After PlanningFocus, focus, focus...I need to get some focus, people! I think these broadcasts are a great way for me to clear my head, get my thoughts a-rollin', and help me turn toward my goal of producing some quality aural delights. However, I think that for me to draw and sustain an audience, I need to find a "hook" - something that catches both my interest and the interest of others.

Personally, I find it difficult attempting to find a common ground with a large audience. I know that here, in the United States, people are drawn to the television. In my opinion, television is often a beartrap for productivity. When I sit down and watch television, I'm putting my time on my ass and in my eyes and I'm doing zero work. I'm putting time to sitting and watching a big box rather than putting time toward producing my website, my broadcast or producing music. I value my time on this planet and I feel that giving my time to a large box of images is a waste of a valuable resource - myself.

Now, hardly get me wrong, I do love television. It's fabulous, it's funny, it's informative and it's a breeding ground for creativity. I grew up with television and some of the funniest phrases, images and characters I have seen have come from the wonderful medium of television. I believe that television is a welcome reprieve from some of the minor sufferings that I endure on a daily basis. For me, television is a temporary escape. I must continually remind myself that television is just that, however. Television is temporary escape. It is a salve. It is information. It is a resource. Like any other resource, television must be given careful consideration and careful use. The limitation and utilization of television must find constructive integration into my life, rather than detract from my life or damage my life.

Anyway, I'm getting off-track. My point is that I find it difficult to target a large-scale audience without relying on the content of entertainment information that comes through to audiences within the United States and audiences across the globe. Entertainment information primarily centers around celebrities, cinema and the episodic content that comprises the television medium (situational comedies, dramas, informational entertainment - the History Channel, Trading Spaces, etc. - and the list goes on).

I think, going through my diatribe, that I must accept the fact that personal narratives are only going to draw their own minority audiences. Hardly get me wrong - I love doing my broadcasts for all of the reasons that I've previously stated when beginning this reflection. I love the listeners that download my voice and bring me into their world. I thank everyone for their time and their belief in me. If I want to put myself out there to draw larger audiences, however, I must find a creative venue that naturally caters to many individuals at one time. Perhaps I need to focus on producing music. Perhaps I need to focus on producing an entertaining "show". It's a tough call, but it's definitely something I'm thinking about.

Now I've got to work on putting myself on a schedule to get my ass in gear!

Audio Broadcast 23 - September 28th, 2005

Fan MailI was running around at work today like a crazed journalist with a HOT, HOT news story. Today marks another fantastic first. I received my first fan mail from overseas! For the most part, the mail I've gotten has been from friends and family (big "shout-outs" to Zachary and Chris!) and that's been very heart-warming, supportive and spiritually uplifting (and I mean that - zero sarcasm there!). I've also received email from other individuals requesting help with their podcasts. That's been fun, a little nerve-wracking (because I feel like a regular support help-desk), and good on one level of recognition; however, up to this point, I had yet to receive any "fan-mail" just dropping me a thanks (beyond those circle of people outside my family and friends). That has changed!

I want to give a big thank-you to Lior, a young man living in Israel. Lior sends his love my way and I appreciate that so very much. Lior is Jewish, as well, and on a cultural level, that's a kinship we share. I'm hardly a practicing Jew, so I feel a touch guilty about my open declaration of my Judaism; however I was born with the Judaic culture in my veins, so I often find justification in my pronouncement. I'm a firm believer that Judaism is a culture as well as a religion (I have a lot of firm beliefs, eh?), much like many nations of the world are cultures onto themselves. That being said, I believe I need to feel more pride in my Irish side as well. I do have a red beard, I love music and I'm a compilation of cultures (as are most individuals of the world). I guess I push my Judaic, analytical being ahead of any other traits I possess. I'll work on correcting this.

In any case, Lior has my thoughts for the day, so thanks again, Big L!

Please feel free to write to me at joshua@joshuajeremiah.name. I appreciate anything you have to say to me, be it criticism or accolade. I love to learn, so if you've got a different point of view, I sincerely want to hear from you!

Audio Broadcast 22 - September 27th, 2005

Cycle-CastWhy are mind-altering substances illegal? Is it due to the fact that individuals may possibly cause harm to individuals when in a state of inebriation? If that's the case, why not arrest everyone out there who has the slightest urge to hurt another person due to anger? If that's the case, why not arrest every bad driver who may or may not kill someone due to their lack of skill with a large, motorized vehicle? If that's the case, why not arrest any president who causes harm to large bodies of individuals due to his neglect within the confines of his responsibility as governor of an entire nation?

My "extra" broadcast mostly talks about office furniture, my anger at individuals who smoke (and are rude about their smoking) and my view of mind-altering substances (I tend to avoid using the term illegal because legality is a subjective mantra imposed on individuals by a large ordered body - primarily any type of government).

Personally, I think we live in a world that has yet to hit its stride toward Utopia. I believe in the concept of Utopia and I believe it can happen. I believe we're several thousand (if not million) years from such an ideal. In my own life, I make attempts to deal with situations in the manner that I best see fit within the confines of repression that surrounds us. We have many freedoms, we also have many restraints.

Audio Broadcast 21 - September 27th, 2005

Cycle-CastIt's time for another Cycle-Cast! It's a Tuesday and I'm on my way to work.

Immediately after starting this broadcast on my bicycle, I came across a gentleman who was walking across my path and I took hesitation in completing my spoken words. I remember thinking that I was about to describe myself, including my sexuality, when I held my words to myself due to my own internal fear. Why does such an emotion control my actions when I have little to have fear about? I live in a fairly safe city, in a fairly safe country, where, if I have difficulty with a fellow human being, I can either confront that individual or turn to an authoritative power (the police, a lawyer, a fireman, etc.).

I'm insecure about aspects of my personality, including my sexuality, despite the fact that I've been quite "open" about my life for quite some time. Perhaps my hesitation, or fear, comes from the knowledge that this planet is comprised of many human beings, some of whom are quite accepting and some of whom take issue with difference (and there are some out there who would rather enjoy burning my ass in a large pile of kindling, hang me on a fence, or simply shoot me).

Sometimes the world is scary and sometimes it's exhilarating. I think that the more open communication each and every individual experiences (like podcasting), the more understanding we're going to accomplish as a global entity.

Anyway, blahbedy, blah! I talk about Digital Performer, confronting my own issues with comparing myself to others, and tragically end my broadcast with anger toward smokers.

Audio Broadcast 20 - September 24th, 2005

Crazy LadyI'm keeping this short and sweet and to the point.

Recording a Joshua Jeremiah broadcast is slice of pie, a piece of cake and all those tired old adages. Post-producing audio, however, is a bitch. It's a bitch because I make attempts to both optimize my sound and write original material for the accompanying blog. I continually talk about being busy and I am, so this written broadcast update is going to be brief.

Enjoy the musings, enjoy the end-music and wish me luck on getting my shit done. Thanks, everyone!

Audio Broadcast 19 - September 23rd, 2005

No SmokingAlright, traveling companions, it's time for another Cycle-Cast!

This Cycle-Cast is a jumbled mix of emotions (damn, I have a lot of those during my broadcasts, don't I?), so between the bitching about getting ripped-off on medication and the confrontation with smokers about their inability to read, we're all in for a monologue of experiential hills.

I wish to start out by giving a big "fuck-you" to the creator and host of Sex and the Second City, one Bernard Bradshaw. Yes, I'm giving him recognition by linking to his site and mentioning his name, but I think that's okay. I think it takes some amount of talent and motivation to produce anything whatsoever, so I give him props there. What I do have contention with is his focus on "small guys". As a guy who reaches a maximum height of 5'4", I can tell you from experience that the ongoing search for a man who's "tall and handsome" is:

  • a slap in the face, both genetically and emotionally - excuse me, when was the last time someone had control over their genes?
  • outmoded - it makes very little sense in this day and age of technology that the "tall and handsome" standard lives on. Various tools equalize almost everyone in society, from heavier-set individuals, to those confined to wheelchairs and, yes, to those of us who are smaller in stature

I'm taking Mr. Bradshaw WAY too personally and I realize that everyone has their own tastes in partners and companions. It makes me angry that societal standards for perfection, however, train individuals to think that one physical trait is more acceptable than another. I'm handsome, intelligent, productive and a goddam good lay. I've got a lower center of gravity than most taller individuals (allowing for faster movement), I'm in-shape and I know the strengths and limitations of my body. For all intensive purposes, I'm a catch. Yet, due to the fairy-tales read to children, due to the media and due to outmoded self-preservation instincts (the "bigger is better" attitude - ironically, it is only because of technological advances, made by smaller-sized individuals in our civilized history, that individuals live healthier today and produce larger offspring), I'm looked upon by most people as "less-than" ideal. Oh well, boo-hoo and woe is me.

The point that IS important in my broadcast is my confrontation with a smoker while parking my bike. It is a proven fact that breathing in second-hand smoke is far more dangerous to the secondary individuals than is the smoke actually being breathed in by the person doing the smoking. Look it up. Why must I face a risk of cancer because some fucking asshole has to have a fix? If someone wants to smoke, fine. I think it's everyone's right to do with their body as they see fit. The minute that another individual's habitual smoke hits me, however, I face the possible repercussion of death. Dramatic? No - it's a proven fact. Courtesy is hardly an extension of formality, it is a recognition of respect. I fully believe that smokers who ignore the health of others are dangers to society and must undergo both educational and behavioral reconditioning.

Audio Broadcast 18 - September 22nd, 2005

Chicken Chat

I like to keep good on my word, so I'm including a picture of my latest toy. In my broadcast, I stated that I was going to feature my new toy (the Esi-Pro Waverterminal U24) as the album art to this audio recording; however, after pondering on the whole "chicken-chat" concept, I fell in love with a different image.

I have to reiterate, again, how much headache this little device is saving me. Up to this point I've been using M-Audio products, but I've become more than a little aggravated with their VERY poor customer service and the inherent necessity to load drivers into the computer for their products to function. I know, almost every peripheral imaginable requires a driver to function; however, I think Esi-Pro has uniquely proven that it is possible to create something that is both self-reliant and flawlessly functional. This device is very unique and it's hardly for everyone. I use it because I have a Behringer mixer and it plays well with devices utilizing a TS 1/4" audio connection. Now I have to work on improving my home microphone setup!

Audio Broadcast 17 - September 21st, 2005

Children InternationalBefore putting up each and every one of my broadcasts, I make attempts to optimize my audio ("master" the audio) and I do brief edits to get rid of trailing static at either the beginning or the end of the recording. For the most part, however, what I put up was recorded in its final form. Nonetheless, I end up listening to some of my recordings due to the minor edits I perform. After listening to the beginning of this broadcast, I felt as though I came across as a complete asshole.

During the course of the broadcast, I walk down the street, pass by some advocates for Children International and make a comment that I have ZERO dollars to give to these people. Then, I proceed to talk about how I'm having trouble finding a way to SPEND MY MONEY on some vermiculite. Good god! In the moment of making that statement, I had very little idea how juxtaposed those two ideas were time-wise. In my mind, while thinking of the two entities - Children International advocates and vermiculite - these two items were very separate; however, when actually vocalizing these two entities, they became related. It's funny how context transforms ideas, subjects, individuals and anything within the confines of intellectual capability.

I can begin to fathom why political life CAN be so difficult for those lacking the proper monetary funds to correct their mistakes. Words are powerful. I believe that action is one of the few corrections to wrongly spoken words. This is a search for the words "children international". It's both heartbreaking and heartwarming to see how many sites this search reveals.

Audio Broadcast 16 - September 20th, 2005

Homo DepotI'm taking my broadcast to work and back! Yes, dear readers and listeners, my headset microphone has found its way into my bicycle panniers and is now traveling with me to work. I actually spend a majority of my life at work (which I have much contention with - there is much in life I wish to accomplish and much of that wish finds hinderance in the lack of time taken up by regularly being away from home), so I think work is the ideal place to start doing broadcasts! Well, in this case I did record the broadcast after work. Details, details.

In any case, I went to Home Depot and I didn't find any vermiculite. Now I've got to go to Gethsemane Garden Center and make an attempt to get some there. Ugh, nevermind, I just called them up and they don't have any either. What the fuck?! Is this a conspiracy against gardeners? Fuck you all. Sometimes I feel like a brick wall is constantly put in my way just for the shits and grins of some higher power. Christ on a stick.

Audio Broadcast 15 - September 19th, 2005

Windtech WindscreensOh yeah, to make good on my word from previous broadcasts, here are two websites for the windscreen(s) that I bought for my iRiver external microphone:

Eng Gadgets, Inc.
WindTech

Well, I guess this broadcast is a clear exemplification of me at my finest and most comfortable...doing the dishes and cooking. Wait, if it were me at my finest, I would have taped myself having sex. Hmmm, I better strike that comment because I'm sure that there are men out in the wide world that will completely disagree with that point of view. Perhaps I should state that my finest is spent on either a bike or a computer.

In any case, I started out this entire broadcast endeavor while doing the dishes, and I'm sure I'll continue to produce broadcasts while doing dishes. Pardon the splashing while I touch on the subjects making their way into my brain at the moment.

Audio Journal 14 - September 17th, 2005

AngerI spend a majority of my work-week on the computer and what do I on a wonderful-weather Saturday? I spend a majority of my Saturday on the computer! Another Oy! My friend Jennifer invited me to RedMoon Theater's production, "He Love Me...He Loves Me Not...", so I chose to enjoy my Saturday night via the theater with friends (Jennifer's daughter Autumn came along). RedMoon Theater is a visual-oriented troupe and their simplistic stories lend credence to their lavish, yet simplistic set-productions. I believe it quite important to understand the base nature of RedMoon theater productions. While attending their spectacle, a good amount of patrons got up and left, most of them exclaiming that they "didn't get" what they were watching. I think that's the point. RedMoon Theater is a "what-you-see-is-what-you-get" school of thought. I actually saw a RedMoon program several years ago, so I was familiar with their message. Had I been missing this key information, I may have had the same thoughts as others who had left during the course of the production. RedMoon theater is candy for the eye lacking the post-production editing methods of television and film. It's a simplistic Cirque du Soleil and I quite enjoy the human, organic nature of RedMoon Theater's form.

My Saturday night did end with some emotional turbulence which becomes quite apparent on my audio broadcast. I leave the listening to you, dear traveler...

Audio Journal 13 - September 16th, 2005

Cycle-CastOy! I've been away from the journal for a length of time now and I feel that I'm giving some disappointment to any of my subscribers. I feel as if my journal must be "watered" and kept fresh (else the mold come creeping in to claim my gentle creation) and it takes some effort to give life to online life. In an effort to support this effort (self-definition be damned!), I went to Micro Center and purchased a headphone/microphone system.

I purchased the Logitech® Extreme PC Gaming Headset which is basically an analog microphone and an analog headphone smashed together into one nice package. What the hell do I mean by analog? I mean that both the headset and the microphone use analog connectors (1/8" or 3.5mm jacks) to connect to a designated device. Although the system is analog, the sound quality is AMAZING! I was actually quite astounded at the high-definition that I was able to coax out of the microphone.

Now I can cycle and record at the same time with zero worry! This puppy is going with me everywhere!

Audio Journal 12 - September 12th, 2005

Zak and SaleenMy brother, Zachary, is an awesome guy. He's got a heart of gold, despite the fact that he insists on worshipping Satan. Oh well, most people bow down to men in long flowing robes while worshipping a 2,000 year old work of fiction (An example of my point is the DaVinci code - that particular book includes many facts but remains a created tale. Let's see who's worshipping that book in 2,000 years...probably a whole host of aliens!). In any case, I love my brother and with the advent of VOIP and iSight (for the Macintosh) we communicate more often now than we ever have previously.

My brother currently lives in Texas and he's get his eye on Seattle. Yes, Zak loves the atmosphere of the granola countryside more so than the smell of cattle-ranchers in Texas. I can hardly blame him. Men smell better if they're open-minded...I think it's a pheromone thing. Zak is fairly fluent in sign language and he does instructional modeling for universities and colleges. Yes, he's got a great body. Isn't he cute sitting with his boyfriend's dog?

Audio Journal 11 - September 11th, 2005

Macintosh Audio

I'm a nerd. Yes, on my days off I quite enjoy taking a walk, a stroll (if you will), down to fancy neighborhoods and spouting-off about computer programs and computer hardware. It's quite my style, actually, and I probably put most people to sleep. Oh well, such is life.

What my rant boils down to is this: incompatibility. Some technological achievements, standing all on their own, are great feats of engineering. Some technological achievements, when brought together with other technological marvels, fall short of their claims of glory. Now, on this audio broadcast, I rant about how angry I become when problems I am experiencing on the computer are being ignored. Well, in retrospect, I think I may have jumped the gun. I've been placing blame for my audio difficulties on both M-Audio and Apple and their seeming lack of oversight. After going through more trials and errors, however, I believe that my problem finally boils down to a piece of software, namely Digital Performer by MOTU. Despite my find, however, I think I'm going to still ditch my current audio soundcard, the Midiman Delta 66, and get myself a Waveterminal U24. Why? The Waveterminal is completely self-contained and requires ZERO drivers. Yes, that's right, the Waveterminal requires ZERO drivers. Why is that good? It's good because if any piece of computer hardware is pretty much self-contained, that means it's more or less stable and less likely to interfere with the core operating system or other software applications. My money, literally, is going for this little gem. I hope my thoughts are correct.

Audio Journal 10 - September 10th, 2005

Dessert with FriendsI spent my Saturday evening with my friends Jennifer and Joshua (yes, another Joshua - although I think he prefers being called Josh), along with Jennifer's daughter Autumn. I think Autumn is a very pretty name. Both Jennifer and Josh are easy-going folks who had wild party-days in their youth. I like to think that I had some good times when I was younger, but these two have me beat!

We went out for dessert at a place called "Taste of Heaven". The desserts pretty much fit the name of the restaurant and I was rather plump after our dining experience.

This broadcast is a little bit lengthy as it involves my ride over to Jennifer and Josh's apartment, our night with sweets and my journey back home. Think of this broadcast as good background conversation for your next house-cleaning day, laundry-time or tripped out enterntainment.

Audio Journal 9 - September 9th, 2005

Wanda's ole' homeIt's a wonderful Friday and I'm enjoying a walk to Target. Since I took off yesterday as a sick day (and I really was sick) I decided to give myself a break from cycling. I figure that my body can use the rest to recuperate.

Just for some "Joshua" knowledge: I cycle to work every day of the Spring, Summer and Fall that weather permits. Even if it's raining I sometimes trek out there on my good ole' bike and make the journey to work. Work is about 9 miles from where I live, so I get a good 18 miles in per day. Oy!

I walked to Target (the former home of one Ms. Wanda Wisdom to purchase some exciting, new...shower rings. I'm attempting to spruce up my bathroom and those old plastic rings that came with the apartment (originally) are screaming out for sanitization!

Public Service Announcement! - September 9th, 2005

Public Service AnnouncementHas anyone been receiving this message when attempting to submit a Podcast to iTunes?

"It appears the feed has already been submitted"

I was experiencing this problem and it was annoying and aggravating the hell out of me. Even after attempting to rename my XML file, twice, iTunes was continually rejecting my feed.

Then I put my thinking cap on. If iTunes is rejecting my XML file, despite the fact that the file has a different name, then perhaps the cause of the rejection lies INSIDE the file rather than on its OUTSIDE name.

So what's the cause of the problem? The problem is that the iTunes subscription service is not only validating any submitted podcasts, but the iTunes subscription services is actually CATALOGING those iTunes tags into a database.

iTunes tags, inside the XML (RSS feed) file look like this:

<itunes:author>some name</itunes:author>

The subscription service is relying upon a database comparison algorithm to determine what iTunes tags are duplicates of ones that are currently attempting to be admitted. What the hell am I saying?

I'm saying that if you've already submitted a podcast, iTunes knows it because it has scanned your file, broken that file down and is holding onto it. If you attempt to resubmit that same file, iTunes doesn't really care what the file is named, but it does care about what content lies in between the iTunes tags. If you leave your XML file (your RSS feed) the way it is without altering the content of the iTunes tags (let's say you leave your name the same), then iTunes will reject your podcast submission if you've already submitted it.

Well, that begs the question - is iTunes scanning for specific tags and comparing only certain tags for subscription confirmation? I don't know. Personally, I altered these tags:

  • <itunes:author>xxx</itunes:author>
  • <itunes:name>xxx</itunes:name>
  • <itunes:summary>xxx<itunes:summary>
  • <itunes:keywords>xxx<itunes:keywords>

...and that did the trick.

I also renamed my XML file, but I think that I could have left the file with the original name and it would have been accepted anyway.

I realize that I'm delving into the XML file and that most people want to stay away from that. Having the ability to alter the original XML file, however, is a great advantage and I recommend that everyone look into accessing it. I've done some snooping around FeedBurner and I have yet to find any way to alter the XML file from there. If anyone has a suggestion, let me know and I can do whatever posting I can.

I recommend validating your XML file, first, before submitting it to iTunes. Visit http://feedvalidator.org and submit your feed for validation. Just a hint - the iTunes Summary field cannot contain HTML and the iTunes Keyword field must contain words separated by spaces, NOT commas.

Please feel free to contact me at joshua@joshuajeremiah.name if you have any questions. I will also post a broadcast on my audio journal describing this problem. Please feel free to subscribe to my audio journal using XMLor by using FeedBurner.

Unsubscribe From Me!

Public Service Announcement Through the course of bribery, cajoling, whining and threats, my brain finally decided to give me a break and let me in on a secret. I've finally been able to get past the very annoying iTunes message:

"It appears the feed has already been submitted"

and, hopefully, on my way to iTunes submission. In preparation for being listed in iTunes (I hope), I've altered some things on the "backend" (all you gay listeners out there, think whatever dirty thoughts you want!) of my feed.

So, here's my public service announcment to everyone...UNSUBSCRIBE me! What the fuck?! Yes, I said it...unsubscribe to me. Hold on there partner! Don't just let me go...make sure that you RESUBSCRIBE to me using my new, improved, RSS (XML) feed/file.

Resubscribe to me using XML or FeedBurner.

Audio Journal 8 - September 8th, 2005

Joshua Jeremiah LogoHardly anything fabulous going on today...I'm home sick from work.

Of course, I had a great weekend and this is how I pay for it! I swear, I wish I could have one pleasing day lacking any consequences of balance (if I have some fun, I've got to endure some pain). Ah well, such is life.

Audio Journal 7 - September 6th, 2005

Dead EndThis is the third time in my life that I have done this...I have cut someone from my life. I want to expound on this, but it's already quite late at night as I make this journal entry. I am making an attempt to catch up and post all of the journal logs that I have been recording during the past week, even when I have been failing to post such journal logs to my site.

Lee and I have known each other for several years and after Labor Day weekend, I believe longevity, alone, was hardly enough to cement our relationship. Tenuous and strained has been our psychological affair, and I think that the tension found its outlet during this past respite from daily life. I cover this in my audio journal, so there I will leave it be.

Audio Journal 6 - September 4th - 5th, 2005

Bicycle-CastThe return trip home on my bicycle from the club, Y-bar, where Sunday nights are gay nights (at least for now, anyway). Get this...I made $50 for dancing on a box! Yee-haw, now I can buy me some dinner!

This is part two episode of journaling that I began on Sunday night and continued up until Monday morning. I left out a lot of audio recorded at the bar because bar noise is shit.

Audio Journal 5 - September 4th, 2005

Bicycle-CastA night of fun on the town with my friend Lee and his friend Wendell from St. Louis. Wendell is special...very special. Actually, he has his own show called The Wendell Show.

This is a "sort-of" two part episode as I continue journaling my Sunday night into Monday morning.

Audio Journal 4 - September 3rd, 2005

Chris and his dogs Today was a productive, shopping-filled day! I recorded a show with my friend Chris, talked with an instrumental podcaster, Richard, and went shopping for supplies for my new-found garden.

Talking with Richard meant a lot to me because I felt as though someone took recognition of that instrumental driving machine within my mind. I find it rare to be sought out for how I think on a personal level and it gave me great joy to have that experience occur. I give my thanks to the universe.

On a sadder note (Oy! ...and such a wonderful day it was turning out to be, too...) I made a mistake in my recording and DID NOT record the podcast occurring between my friend Chris and I. Fucking-A!!!! I was so excited about the production, too. I utilize Audio Hijack Pro to record conversations using Skype and I mistakenly used Audio Hijack Pro to record iTunes instead of Skype during my conversation with Chris. I feel like an idiot. Chris and I had some great dialogue going on and I feel like I lost something special. I felt as if we were concrete radio personalities with something to actually say and I feel like I lost a small nugget of gold.

Please come back and visit (and bookmark, goddammit!!!) http://www.dimebagradio.com. It's going to be a good, solid show.

Gilligan 2x Simplified - I'm up late...so what the hell.
Something a little more simple.

Have a Gilligan's Island Remix - brought to you by Joshua Jeremiah
Remixed in one of my favorite programs...Reason...ah...delicious...

Audio Journal 3 - September 2nd 2005
My third journal entry - I posted the following thought on my RSS feed, but I'm posting it here, as well, because I feel that the ideas behind Ayn Rand's works are important. Her ideas and ideals influenced me at the age of 18 and have shaped who I am as a person.

Living as an individual to enable a greater good for society. The book, The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand), takes an idea that the individual is the fountainhead for all proceeding action and transforms it into a consuming, instrumental story. Ayn Rand then takes the idea of the fountainhead one step further with Atlas Shrugged, a narrative following the collective effort of a group of individuals.

The idea behind all of Ayn Rand's works is objectivity.

Hurricane Information

http://store.yahoo.com/redcross-donate2/
http://www.hurricanehousing.org
http://www.democracynow.org
http://www.yeastradio.com

What's been happening in New Orleans is a conglomeration of both circumstance (be it nature or simple existence) and human action. Much of what has been happening could have been avoided. Both Madge and Democracy Now are inroads to another avenue of media - real media, and I encourage everyone to begin looking at the real world (in contrast to the constructed world established/being established by all major media outlets and our government).

Daily action is what accumulates into life result, be that for better or for worse. It IS the little things that count toward the larger things. Sometimes I feel small in the environ off all that is going on, but I have to take a step back and realize that I'm doing what I can to help - be that in contribution or in action. Sometimes there's very little I can do in a given situation and I think it is just that - situational. I have to stick to my guns and do what I believe is right - respect my body, respect those around me, respect this planet that I'm living on. Those three things ARE simple, yet they are ideas that encompass much more than what is there. If I'm respecting my planet, I'm doing my best to avoid being a wasteful being, I'm doing my best to avoid destroying my surroundings, I'm doing my best to conserve.

I think we forget these things and, more importantly, I think we forget to remind each other and teach each other these things. When was the last time you walked to work? When was the last time you biked to work? When was the last time you picked up a piece of trash off of the grass and put it into a receptacle? In contrast to hurricane Katrina, this little diatribe appears pedantic and small and I realize that. It is the daily failure to respect our planet, our resources, our own bodies and other human beings that has led to this tragedy, however.

My words are echoes of ideals set in motion over forty years ago. Those ideals have failed to be taught to a general population and the daily life that I lead today is less ideal than it can be. I attempt to live by adages and morals and learnings and I do attempt to alter my behavior so that the echoes of my actions will resonate a positive future. However, sometimes my actions are out of ignorance. It is that ignorance that is most upsetting because I realize that it is that ignorance that has held me from creating a better world for myself, and for others. It is even sadder that others are hardly aware of their own ignorance. I can only speak for myself, however.

Conserve, preserve, respect. Yeah, those words are "blahbedy-blah" to almost everyone that reads it and I'm guessing that most people, even Madge, are going to pass my words by in the cause for greater action. I think what upsets me most is the lack of introspection that occurs when such words are glossed over. Individuals make up our society and that's where a better society begins. The alteration of individual behavior aids in preventing the loss of life occurring because of hurricane Katrina. The alteration of individual behavior aids in preventing the future loss of life due to any natural disaster. The alteration of individual behavior aids in preventing the future loss of life due to human action, itself.

Use that head for something besides a hatrack, as my father used to say. That litter you throw on the ground...that's just as bad as the oil refineries who carved up the Louisiana canals. "No!", you say. Yes, it is. Who do you think runs oil refineries? People with value systems, be those value systems detrimental or beneficial. The disregard for nature and humanity begins somewhere and that somewhere is almost always something small. That litter you throw on the ground is the beginning of apathy and it is that apathy that is responsible for the loss of human life.

Audio Journal 2 - September 1st, 2005

Joshua on the couchMy second journal entry - my first entry from the "more-professional" microphone and some thoughts while waiting for the train.

Audio Journal 1 - August 31st, 2005

Joshua Jeremiah LogoMy first journal entry - a collection of ramblings and musings.